Moving Forward

My life has been pretty brutal at times and I don't deserve to be treated the way I've been treated but now I have realised that the only way my life will ever get better is if I make changes and live out what I want to live. My parents still don't acknowledge me or realise that I am hurting inside but it's ok. I just got to get over the fact that they just don't understand me. That's the way it is and that's the way it always will be. No matter how good I am or how much I try to be the best daughter possible I will never be as good as Stacy. I just have to accept that and move forward. Who knows, I may never find someone who truly understands me and cares about me, but all I can do is hope. I have wasted so many hours throwing my own pity parties, and in the moment it might make me feel better, but once it's over I usually feel worse then I did before. The stupidest thing of all is I am a hypocrite. Anyone who reads this blog knows my hate for my sister Stacy and how she always gets all the attention, but I am just as much of a talker about her like everyone else. I always got so frustrated how Stacy always came up in conversations even after she's dead, but now looking back at my older blog posts I talked about her more than almost everyone else I know. Even if I didn't talk about Stacy in a good way I still dwell ed on how much I hated her and I gave her attention through that. I never thought I would be one to give her more attention then she already had. If anything I should apologise to myself. I have put myself down and have not let myself be truly happy. Today I am going to start a new chapter of my life. I have set new and more positive goals and I will stick to them! 1.) live my life completely for myself and no one else 2.) in everything I do and go through, try and put a positive spin on it 3.) live a successful life the way I want to live and not the way my parents want me to live it.  I am determined and will follow though with these goals I have set for myself. My hope is to become a happier and more positive person for myself and the people around me. Lastly I want to apologise to anyone who has actually read this blog I have written. I don't apologise for my negative attitude and hatred emotions because that's who I was, what I was feeling and still feel many times, but I am apologising that you have had to read how much I have really been suffering. After reading some of my past posts I now realise that they were probably putting everyone reading them in a bad mood. I guess you didn't have too read my posts but if you did then I am sorry. Amy Reid