She's Never Gone

Wow, even when Stacy's gone she still finds ways to ruin my life more!
Now that she is dead, I thought this could possibly be a good thing; she doesn't exist anymore so everyone will stop giving her all the attention and MAYBE just give me some, but of course the exact opposite had to happen. Now that shes gone it seems as if everyone on this planet has come up and talked to my family about her and how amazing she was.
Now my parents ignore me even more then when Stacy was alive. The only time they care to talk to me now is when they need something to be done around the house or at the furniture store. Either that or when they feel like I am not taking enough responsibility for my actions and not being a better daughter.
The most awkward and frustrating part of this whole death experience is when people that I or my family hardly even know come up to me and express their grief. They say " Ohh Amy I am terribly sorry for your loss, she was your only sister and I can imagine how hard this must be losing such an amazing sister like her". When I hear words just like that I almost want to LOL but instead my anger and hate for Stacy just multiples like crazy. The reason I get so frustrated when people speak to me something like that is because why do they think they have the right to say anything like that to me? First of all they hardly even know me, and second of all they hardly even know me! People just expect that since my sister died I must be devastated and feel like a part of me is gone, but why doesn't anyone even ask how I am really feeling? Does anyone even care? Didn't think so.. Even if someone did ask me how I am feeling about this whole death situation how could I ever tell them the truth anyway. How could I say to someone straight in their face, sorry but you've got it all wrong, I actually hate my sister and I am so glad she is dead. I guess the problem I have is being able to open up and explain my emotions to other people because I know if I were to tell anyone how I am actually feeling then they would just judge me and think that I am a terrible person.
Whatever, I don't even need to tell anyone the truth. I can just keep lying like I always do. Not like anyone really cares anyways.

Amy Reid