Moving Forward

My life has been pretty brutal at times and I don't deserve to be treated the way I've been treated but now I have realised that the only way my life will ever get better is if I make changes and live out what I want to live. My parents still don't acknowledge me or realise that I am hurting inside but it's ok. I just got to get over the fact that they just don't understand me. That's the way it is and that's the way it always will be. No matter how good I am or how much I try to be the best daughter possible I will never be as good as Stacy. I just have to accept that and move forward. Who knows, I may never find someone who truly understands me and cares about me, but all I can do is hope. I have wasted so many hours throwing my own pity parties, and in the moment it might make me feel better, but once it's over I usually feel worse then I did before. The stupidest thing of all is I am a hypocrite. Anyone who reads this blog knows my hate for my sister Stacy and how she always gets all the attention, but I am just as much of a talker about her like everyone else. I always got so frustrated how Stacy always came up in conversations even after she's dead, but now looking back at my older blog posts I talked about her more than almost everyone else I know. Even if I didn't talk about Stacy in a good way I still dwell ed on how much I hated her and I gave her attention through that. I never thought I would be one to give her more attention then she already had. If anything I should apologise to myself. I have put myself down and have not let myself be truly happy. Today I am going to start a new chapter of my life. I have set new and more positive goals and I will stick to them! 1.) live my life completely for myself and no one else 2.) in everything I do and go through, try and put a positive spin on it 3.) live a successful life the way I want to live and not the way my parents want me to live it.  I am determined and will follow though with these goals I have set for myself. My hope is to become a happier and more positive person for myself and the people around me. Lastly I want to apologise to anyone who has actually read this blog I have written. I don't apologise for my negative attitude and hatred emotions because that's who I was, what I was feeling and still feel many times, but I am apologising that you have had to read how much I have really been suffering. After reading some of my past posts I now realise that they were probably putting everyone reading them in a bad mood. I guess you didn't have too read my posts but if you did then I am sorry. Amy Reid

Thanks, Now Im Screwed

So my life is officially over, and going no where. Remember how I explained that Stacy was dedicated to her work, and her life plans were to take over the business? Well obviously that's not happening anymore, so guess who gets to take her place? Me! The day she died is the day my future went to the dump. And guess what! I cannot do anything about it!
See, this is how my parents view it; since Stacy was such an "amazing worker" and loved working at the family business, they think that I wish I could be just like her, so they put me in charge of the future business like she was supposed to be. Its funny because my parents think that their actually doing me a favour and giving me the life I always wanted but they are sadly mistaken.
I've tried to tell them many times that I want nothing to do with the family business and working there is not one of my passions, but the conversation always turns out the same. My mom says that I should be thankful that I was born into this family and have the opportunities that I have. Who wouldn't want their whole life picked and planned out of them? Especially working at Reid Furniture all your life.
Have they ever even thought that maybe there's more to life then just Stacy and the furniture store? Maybe I want to go out and be a doctor, or a singer; maybe even a writer! I don't know what I want to do with my future yet but all I know is that I was not put on this earth to suffer working at Reid's all my life. At least I hope I wasn't.

Amy Reid

She's Never Gone

Wow, even when Stacy's gone she still finds ways to ruin my life more!
Now that she is dead, I thought this could possibly be a good thing; she doesn't exist anymore so everyone will stop giving her all the attention and MAYBE just give me some, but of course the exact opposite had to happen. Now that shes gone it seems as if everyone on this planet has come up and talked to my family about her and how amazing she was.
Now my parents ignore me even more then when Stacy was alive. The only time they care to talk to me now is when they need something to be done around the house or at the furniture store. Either that or when they feel like I am not taking enough responsibility for my actions and not being a better daughter.
The most awkward and frustrating part of this whole death experience is when people that I or my family hardly even know come up to me and express their grief. They say " Ohh Amy I am terribly sorry for your loss, she was your only sister and I can imagine how hard this must be losing such an amazing sister like her". When I hear words just like that I almost want to LOL but instead my anger and hate for Stacy just multiples like crazy. The reason I get so frustrated when people speak to me something like that is because why do they think they have the right to say anything like that to me? First of all they hardly even know me, and second of all they hardly even know me! People just expect that since my sister died I must be devastated and feel like a part of me is gone, but why doesn't anyone even ask how I am really feeling? Does anyone even care? Didn't think so.. Even if someone did ask me how I am feeling about this whole death situation how could I ever tell them the truth anyway. How could I say to someone straight in their face, sorry but you've got it all wrong, I actually hate my sister and I am so glad she is dead. I guess the problem I have is being able to open up and explain my emotions to other people because I know if I were to tell anyone how I am actually feeling then they would just judge me and think that I am a terrible person.
Whatever, I don't even need to tell anyone the truth. I can just keep lying like I always do. Not like anyone really cares anyways.

Amy Reid

My Life is Not Normal

It's crazy how everything can change in only a couple of days. Sunday was a day just like any other; got back from the Sunday church service at the same time like every other week. We expected my sister to get home precisely half an hour after us due to her after church choir practice. Yes, she even sang, right up front, dead centre, where everyone can see her. Of course she was the centre focus of the choir, just like with everything else she did. Anyways, back from that little rabbit trail, the day was just like any other, except for one thing; Stacy (my sis) had not arrived home yet, and and it had been 15 min past her expected arrival time, which she never broke. Until finally 35 min later the phone rang. My mom answered expecting it to be Stacy explaining and sucking up to mom, but instead it was the cops. A call from the cops is never a good thing, so i just smiled thinking that Stacy got in trouble for the first legit time in her life. Turns out Stacy got into a car accident, she was hit by oncoming traffic and was placed in the ICU. That next day she passed away.

I'm not sure if anyone even reads this blog, and to be honest I really don't care if nobody does. I am so used to no one paying attention to me so I feel that I am able to vent my emotions on this blog because I know no one would actually consider taking their own time to read something I wrote. If you do by chance however read this blog then DON'T feel sorry for me or email me your condolences, ever! I'm sorry, ill explain. See, I've never truly been able to love my sister, and I do not miss her one bit.

I will give you some background information on my sister:

Name: Stacy Reid

Age: 19

Job: Future owner of Reid Furniture

Activities involved in: Anything she can get her hands on

What she loved doing: Stealing and being the centre of attention, no matter what she is doing

Nickname: Perfect angel

If you haven’t already noticed or understood that my sister is a complete goody-two-shoes, and a attention seeker then something is wrong with you. She is said to be the “perfect daughter”.

Ohh and I forgot to mention and explain her job. It all started 50 years ago when my grandparents on the Reid side of the family, started a furniture business called Reid furniture (original right?) Once my grandparents retired from the store they passed it down onto my parents. The plan was once my parents got either too old or tired of running the business then they were going to hand it over to my sister. She was very smart and knew the store like the back of her hand, so it would have been an easy transition. Now that she is dead guess what my parents planned out for my future, working at the furniture store. They just expected that I wanted to be like my sister and follow exactly in her footsteps, since they found her amazing, but that’s not the case at all. I don’t want to be anything like her. Yea maybe the attention would be nice sometimes but that's besides the point.

So to conclude my first official blog I am happy Stacy is gone out of my life forever, but on the other hand it sucks for me, now having to convince my parents to find someone else to take over the business. I have no idea what this next week has in store for me but I'm excited to start over my life without Stacy in it. Maybe I will finally get the attention I deserve.

Amy Reid